I laid my rifle across my lap and glared down at it. The thin barrel and handles of the Steyr made it look more like a toy than a weapon. For all the ...ood it did that day, it might as well have been. I remember hating it in that moment. That worthless, fucking thing! It was nothing more than a symbol of my impotence. I began to shake. It was far too great a responsibility for me to bear. I was only nineteen for fuck’s sake. I don’t know how I held it together. But I couldn’t any longer. I began. As I mostly prefer having a calm and peaceful weekend, with a book to read, maybe a movie or TV series to watch. It was one such weekend that I ended up in a pub to meet a couple of friends. I was having my usual Rum and Coke, there were extra people tagged along who I was meeting for the first time. I usually hate being around a huge crowd and the music in most pubs annoy me these days. But some of the people were nice to talk to, especially this one married couple, Prem, and Shivani.They were. Main office ki teesri manzil pe chali gayi. Jahaan Dev ka office tha. Main lift ke andar lage sheeshe mein dekh kar apne kapdon ko adjust kar rahi thi. Aur fir lift ka teesri manzil pe pahunch ke darwaza khul gaya.Main lift se nikal kar uske theek samne kuch door pe ek meeting room ki taraf chal di. Uske paas pahunch kar maine aas paas dekha. Aur fir kamre ke andar dakhil ho gayi. Wahan Dev apne manager ke paas khada hua tha.Dev bola, “Aaj badi late ho gayi tum.” Maine bataya ki main dadaji se. As soon as the machine reaches another exhalation cycle she replies, "Good Morning Teresa, I love you".I try to reach out and touch her but the leather straps hold my arm tight. We sleep in an Iron Lung almost every night but it is still a bit of a surprise every morning when I wake up and realize I am locked in this steel prison. I don't understand why this is the one thing I have so much trouble accepting because our bodies, or some part of them, are always locked in some sort of prison, be.
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